In a Hurry to Nowhere

I have a family member that is always in a hurry but has no where to go. She is retired, doesn't have to go anywhere and yet she is always rushing us to the next thing. She will be chewing food as she is washing dishes, never finishes her meal at the table. I'm not that different, it seems like I have a habit of rushing through things for the next "adrenaline rush". I have become an expert at short conversations, I know how to cut conversations . . .you know - never ask deep questions unless I'm counseling someone. As a pastor, I perfected the art on Sunday morning, "how are you? Great . . . I have to go to the next service, great seeing you". I use to hate that part of Sunday mornings in a large church, the superficial pastoring of hundreds, the permission to care from a distance, the forcing of relationship only when absolutely necessary. The burden of relationship was on the parishioner not the pastor, they were to call the church if they were in trouble but otherwise, I have tons to do, lots of programs to run. Eugene Peterson says, "Impatience, the refusal to endure is to pastoral character what strip mining is to land - greedy rape of what can be gotten at the least cost . . ."

Its been a relief not not do that every Sunday now but my strategies to avoid "caring" continues, my ambition to succeed overtakes my heart for relationships.

Its interesting that in my 20s, I valued relationships way above anything else. Then ambition for ministry success took over as I "matured". Balance is something I speak about but struggle to actually do. Lord, give me balance . . . help me love you and people more than the task.