I have a family member that is always in a hurry but has no where to go. She is retired, doesn't have to go anywhere and yet she is always rushing us to the next thing. She will be chewing food as she is washing dishes, never finishes her meal at the table. I'm not that different, it seems like I have a habit of rushing through things for the next "adrenaline rush". I have become an expert at short conversations, I know how to cut conversations . . .you know - never ask deep questions unless I'm counseling someone. As a pastor, I perfected the art on Sunday morning, "how are you? Great . . . I have to go to the next service, great seeing you". I use to hate that part of Sunday mornings in a large church, the superficial pastoring of hundreds, the permission to care from a distance, the forcing of relationship only when absolutely necessary. The burden of relationship was on the parishioner not the pastor, they were to call the church if they were in trouble but otherwise, I have tons to do, lots of programs to run. Eugene Peterson says, "Impatience, the refusal to endure is to pastoral character what strip mining is to land - greedy rape of what can be gotten at the least cost . . ."
Its been a relief not not do that every Sunday now but my strategies to avoid "caring" continues, my ambition to succeed overtakes my heart for relationships.
Its interesting that in my 20s, I valued relationships way above anything else. Then ambition for ministry success took over as I "matured". Balance is something I speak about but struggle to actually do. Lord, give me balance . . . help me love you and people more than the task.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Lent, the Garden and Life
Lent and Easter are great times to get back in tune with Him. I like Spring and seasons of life, they bring change, newness and freshness to a crazy life.
The time of Lent is one that I began taking seriously a few years ago. It has become a yearly ritual of getting up early to read the bible, read devotionals and pray. Last year it was amazing but as soon as Easter Monday hit, I went back to my old ways of undisciplined devotions. Honestly, I was burned out. I spent about two hours reading, journaling and blogging. It was too much for my status of life. I should have cut out the blogging. Blogging can seem so self-focused and so here I am doing it again. No, not this Lent. I will only blog once a week but try to focus internally, not externally.
I started working hard on my garden, planted sugar snap peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, watermelon, cantolope, squash, cilantro, Serrano peppers, basil and broccoli. Who plants broccoli? Gardening is really hard work, so much preparation of the soil and garden before you even begin to plant. My biggest challenge was to plant early not late. This year I accomplished it. There are so many analogies to life in gardening, planting seeds, weeding, bearing fruit, etc . . . more on that later but I want to focus on one, "seeds". I think of the words of Jesus, "you reap what you sow". From attitudes, words and actions there is always reap time.
Reap Time: The father who is upset that the kids won't talk to him but he sowed anger, distance and independence; the lonely girl that is perplexed on why others don't want to be in her life after years of selfish, self-centered living. The person that can't understand why God won't answer his prayers yet he is the ruler of their own life, never submitting to God's plan. . .
we will reap what we sow.
God help me sow good seeds in good ground in my family, my work and my relationships.
The time of Lent is one that I began taking seriously a few years ago. It has become a yearly ritual of getting up early to read the bible, read devotionals and pray. Last year it was amazing but as soon as Easter Monday hit, I went back to my old ways of undisciplined devotions. Honestly, I was burned out. I spent about two hours reading, journaling and blogging. It was too much for my status of life. I should have cut out the blogging. Blogging can seem so self-focused and so here I am doing it again. No, not this Lent. I will only blog once a week but try to focus internally, not externally.
I started working hard on my garden, planted sugar snap peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, watermelon, cantolope, squash, cilantro, Serrano peppers, basil and broccoli. Who plants broccoli? Gardening is really hard work, so much preparation of the soil and garden before you even begin to plant. My biggest challenge was to plant early not late. This year I accomplished it. There are so many analogies to life in gardening, planting seeds, weeding, bearing fruit, etc . . . more on that later but I want to focus on one, "seeds". I think of the words of Jesus, "you reap what you sow". From attitudes, words and actions there is always reap time.
Reap Time: The father who is upset that the kids won't talk to him but he sowed anger, distance and independence; the lonely girl that is perplexed on why others don't want to be in her life after years of selfish, self-centered living. The person that can't understand why God won't answer his prayers yet he is the ruler of their own life, never submitting to God's plan. . .
we will reap what we sow.
God help me sow good seeds in good ground in my family, my work and my relationships.
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