Day 12 My Soul is Anxious - Please help!

Day 12 of My 40 Day Journey

Readings of Psalm 12, 42, 72, 102, 132 Proverbs 12

Dear Lord, I really need you now. Arise with me and comfort me, bring me peace and go before me. My soul is in anguish, my hope is dim and I am lost. How can we overcome division and strife in our lives? We want peace with those we love. It starts with you,
Psalm 42:1 “As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Why does our thirst for God wane so much? By day 6 it was strong and brought me so joy but this weekend it has been too tired to seek. My soul wants rest and yet it is anxious. Lord, you are my trust. I will tell my heart to trust you, to remember how you have delivered me in the past.

42:5 “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why are you disturbed within me?

That is exactly what I need today, “Put your hope in God, for I will praise him my Savior and my God.”

Lord, answer this prayer for me today, convince my heart to hope in you. These verses are repeated again in this psalm, it is the chorus to the song.

42:7 “Deep calls to deep”, Yes, I need your depth of love to call me there, I want to go deep with you Lord.

Psalm 72 is a royal psalm by King Solomon, a prayer of what he wants in his earthly kingdom of Israel. , some believe that it is a “messianic psalm” referring to the final kingdom of Christ where He rules with righteousness.
Regardless of when it happens, it is a great place to live where righteousness and justice are the norm.

¹¹ All kings will bow down to him and all nations will serve him. ¹² For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.

¹³ He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. ¹⁴ He will rescue them from oppression and violence,
for precious is their blood in his sight.

Lord, we long for that place of peace, justice and prosperity. Our trust is not in politicians or religious leaders but our trust is in you. Bring righteousness to a corrupt world, government and even church. Bring righteousness to our home, to my parenting, to my marriage to my neighborhood.

Psalm 102:18 “Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord.” Wow, I love this psalm. I want to focus on future generations too, may our life help other generations after us Lord.

Lord, I want Bailey and Micah to know you intimately, to seek you whole-heartily and to serve you unequivocally. Give them a thirst and hunger for you. (Pic on the left is Bailey at one week in our hands) May I never get in the way of your work in their lives, may I never frustrate them in a way that would hurt their walk with you. Give me grace to deal with them, give us wisdom to teach them and work in our family so that they have no other choice but to seek you.

Psalm 132 I love the psalmist heart for God, vs. 3 “ I will not enter my house or go to my bed – I will allow no sleep to my eyes, no slumber to my eyelids, till I find a place for the Lord.” Lord, may I not eat or drink daily until you have found a home in my heart.

Proverbs 12 – “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.” This proverb contains so much nuggets of wisdom again. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.” AMEN

“He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement”

“The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice”

Here is a convicting one for me, “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Wow, this is a struggle, I used to be better at overlooking insulting words but recently, I have been willing to confront. Is that what this is about? Overcoming fear in confronting is good but being too sensitive, defensive is not. Lord help me be prudent, I repent of my impetuous behavior. Finally I love the last verse, “In the way of righteousness,

Day 11 - A Journal of my 40 Day Spiritual Journey through LENT
Reading Psalm 11, 41, 71, 101, 131 Proverbs 11

Its Saturday morning Lord and I’m ready to hear from you. I was thinking about Micah’s first hair cut yesterday, Jen was in tears seeing how much he has changed, how our days are passing by. He is about to turn two and now looks like a little boy not a baby. Two years ago I had no clue we would have another baby, especially a boy. I can’t imagine my life without him now. He is a great joy to us, thank you so much for your undeserved blessings. Why are you so bent on blessing us? What is man that you should consider him?

11: 7 For the LORD is righteous,
he loves justice;
upright men will see his face.
Amazed again at the two word combo: righteous and justice. What does this combo mean? It means that our Lord is very concerned that the weak get protected, the poor get what they need, the rich are restrained for taking advantage to get more. It means that the righteous are about the Lord’s business of seeing the orphans, widows, sick, poor and disadvantaged taken care of. See the following psalm, the same message:
Psalm 41:7 1 Blessed is he who has regard for the weak;
the LORD delivers him in times of trouble.
2 The LORD will protect him and preserve his life;
he will bless him in the land
and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.
3 The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed
and restore him from his bed of illness.
4 I said, "O LORD, have mercy on me;
heal me, for I have sinned against you."
It is clear that one of the rewards for those that look after the weak is heavenly protection, deliverance and blessing. Again, it doesn’t mean that the righteous don’t struggle with poverty ever, sickness or trouble.
Psalm 71:17-18 have been life verses, to pass on the faith to younger generations: 17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
That is my dream, to keep doing this until I’m old. I can’t imagine anything more significant, than making sure the next generations continue to seek Him. My youth ministry in public schools is very different than what I used to do in church. . . but its so fulfilling. Turning parents hearts back to their teens is one of unique aspects of our ministry now. We pray for these 150 families, mostly unchurched Hispanic families. Lord, help us pass our faith, declare your righteousness even when we are old (I’m already gray, dang it).
Psalm 101 can not be ignored, WOW!
1 I will sing of your love and justice;
to you, O LORD, I will sing praise.
2 I will be careful to lead a blameless life—
when will you come to me?
I will walk in my house
with blameless heart.
3 I will set before my eyes
no vile thing.
The deeds of faithless men I hate;
they will not cling to me.
Give me the joy of your spirit Lord to sing of you, your love and justice. Help me today to walk carefully, to watch my words, thoughts and actions. My I not hurt anyone but bless those that I meet. Give me grace let you shine, to seek your goals and desires today.

And we close with this psalm,
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

AMEN!
Tomorrow: Readings from Thomas Merton

Day 10 What does "Waiting" on the Lord really mean?

Day 10 - Readings Psalm 10, 40 70, 100, 130 Proverbs 10

Good morning Lord, thank you for another day. Help me focus on your Word by your Spirit in me. Psalm 40 is another favorite, it has so much encouragement.

Psalm 40 - ¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

David begins this song with praise for deliverance. Again, there are some very strong themes and process of life with God in the Psalms, 1. Major trial in life 2. Waiting on the Lord (vs 1) 3. God’s deliverance comes to us (vs 2) 4. A heart of praise sings out to God (vs 3) 5. Renewed dedication to the Lord (vs. 4-8)
I have to honest, “waiting on the Lord” is rarely taught. It is an act of trust, focusing on Him more than on our problems. It is not running to solve all of them but allowing Him to be involved in our daily issues. Many times in my life I wanted to act, solve or attack. My waiting on Him gave him the opportunity to be rescuer and gave me the opportunity to trust. It meant getting myself off the driver seat, reminding myself that “I am not God”. I have some big issues in my life right now that require waiting. I am not a fan of waiting so Lord, help me have grace and trust in You. I can’t solve them, I can’t make them happen. If I wait on you, it will be right. Please deliver me but I will praise you regardless. Lord help my friend with cancer, deliver him and his wife. Please be merciful as they wait. Deliver Tristen too, heal him completely. . . and the pastor’s little baby girl with heart problems . . please save them Lord. Are you in a place where you should wait on him right now?

^40:4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

⁵ Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

⁷ Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

⁸ I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

I love David’s heart and dedication to the Lord, he puts himself on the alter and says, “Lord I am yours”. I love the fact that David’s greatest love was God.

Psalm 70 is another one where David is in a very difficult trial and his response is to wait and seek God out to rescue him.

Psalm 100 is on the other side of deliverance, all about praise:

¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

² Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

³ Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Wow, these psalms all go together, so cool. Now look at the next one for today, Psalm 130 is just like the previous ones, trial and crying out to God, waiting on the Lord and deliverance.

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

² O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Thank you Lord that I have been forgiven. Waiting on the Lord includes watching for his salvation, deliverance and provision. Oh Lord, you are a great God!

Proverbs 10 is a litany of nuggets of wisdom, great to teach to our children too . . . Vs. 2 “ill gotten treasures are of no value”; vs. 9, “the man of integrity walks securely, 17 “He who heeds discipline shows the way of life”, 19, “He who holds his tongue is wise” . . . just a few of the many in there. For me I love them all but I summarize them in one, “The fear of the Lord adds length to life but the years of the wicked will be cut short.” Lord, I want to love wisdom and life more, give me the desire to fear you above all else.

Augustine(354-430) is probably the most influential writer, theologian, philosopher of Christianity since the Apostle Paul. He was both extremely honest and one of the brightest minds.

He descirbes our mind as a divided house as we battle between our desires and our wills, so true. . . .he calls this divided house a “disease” because we actually have “two wills”. When we are divded and not sure what to do, its because our will is not “full”. In this devotion, Augustine confesses the struggle of his conversion, how he was so close to trusting God but his sin nature would not let him. One of the lies of the flesh is one that I hear on a regular basis from the unchristian, “I don’t want to give up . . . I can’t live without this _________“. Augustine did not want to give up his immoral wild life. He had build habits of fleshly pleasures that were not going away. Its impossible to understand this battle as you are experiencing it. . . but the Lord is merciful, and if you believe, he saves you and floods your mind and heart with peace. Augustine opened the Scriptures in the midst of his battle and read Romans 13:13, 14, “Not in reveling and drunkenness, not in lust an wantonness, not in quarrels and rivalries. Rather, arm yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ; spend no more thought on nature and nature’s appetites.” Augustine was converted and became one of the greatest church leaders of all time.

Lord, in my battle with sin, flood my mind with truth and love so that I can believe and trust you more. Deliver from doubt, deliver me from pride, deliver me from fear. I will wait on you and trust you deliverer.

Tomorrow we will read from Thomas Merton on Prayer.

Day 9

Readings Psalm 9, 39, 69, 99, 129 Proverbs 9

I will do a drive to Austin and back today (7 hrs), good time to pray and think about these verses.

⁹ The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.

¹⁰ Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Lord, you have shown yourself faithful over and over. Thank you for remembering me.

Psalm 9 ¹⁸ But the needy will not always be forgotten,
nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

There is much in this psalm about the forgotten, afflicted and the justice they will get. I love the fact that our God is a God of Justice. He will make everything right. . . just wait on Him.

^{Psalm 69:3} My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

⁴ "Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.

⁵ You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah

⁶ Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

⁷ "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

⁸ Save me from all my transgressions;

Do we need to hear this . . .yes. We are fragile beings, insecure, discouraged and sometimes hopeless. May your promises fill me with truth and may the trust I have for you grow.

^{Psalm 69: 30} I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.

³¹ This will please the LORD more than an ox,
more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.

³² The poor will see and be glad—
you who seek God, may your hearts live!

³³ The LORD hears the needy
and does not despise his captive people.

Praise is a blessing to Him but very much to us. It changes our perspective and our hearts turn to Him.
The poor again are vindicated and justice will roll.

Lord, help me today to drive with you, come and listen to my prayers. Turn my mourning into dancing, my pain into peace and my insecurity to confidence in you. I need you desperately, hear my prayers.

Tomorrow: Augustine, Excerpts from “Confessions”

DAY 8 - Is Prosperity God's Plan for me?

Day 8 Does God want me to prosper?
Today’s Readings: Psalm 8, 38, 68, 98, 128 Proverbs 8 Excerpts from Francis Fenelon.
Getting up this morning was not hard, Bailey walks in to our room at 5:45 am crying, saying, “I threw up.” She was so good, made it to the trashcan for half of it, the other half mostly on the rug and none on her bed. I am amazed at how amazing she is, I cleaned it all up and didn’t think about it twice. Somehow my love for her keeps me from thinking about the sickness and grossness of vomit as other things that normally would make me gross out. I am not a perfect father but think about our heavenly Father, He is perfect and His love has no end . . . He cleans our grossest sins and holds us at the same time.

But a huge question I have had is this, “Is it God’s will for Christians to prosper? In all areas including finances?” Plus “Is there a relationships between blessing of our homes and blessings on our community?” Read Psalm 128 below
1 Blessed are all who fear the LORD,
who walk in his ways.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.
3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots
around your table.
4 Thus is the man blessed
who fears the LORD.
5 May the LORD bless you from Zion
all the days of your life;
may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem,
6 and may you live to see your children's children.
Peace be upon Israel.
The obvious answer by this written song is a big “Yes”. . . “but”. There is always a big “but” it seems. The person that “fears” and “walks” with the Lord will receive blessing. Both “fear” and “walk” are common words throughout Scripture to refer to “reverence” and “live with”. Proverbs 8:13 describes “fear of the Lord” this way, “to hate evil”. There is a clear relationship in that the blessing of a home blesses a community.
Lets look at Proverbs 8 for Solomon’s comments on “prosperity”. This is the personification of “wisdom”:
With me are riches and honor,
enduring wealth and prosperity.
19 My fruit is better than fine gold;
what I yield surpasses choice silver.
20 I walk in the way of righteousness,
along the paths of justice,
21 bestowing wealth on those who love me
and making their treasuries full.
Wealth and prosperity are themes of many televangelists and preachers, it’s a common theme in many churches too. Many reject this and in order to balance the scale, they preach a doctrine of suffering, endurance and trials. So much teaching is reactionary . . . whether it’s the sacraments, the charasmatic gifts or money. Out of fear of one extreme we go to the other. I believe the Bible speaks of both and neither extreme is completely correct. On the one hand, physical prosperity is a real topic in Scripture, we can’t just spiritualize those passages. It is clear that God does bless his followers with material blessings. It is clear that from both explicit verses to examples of saints that were blessed. On the other hand it’s not a rule of life. God chooses to bless some with material possessions and other with spiritual ones. We can’t manipulate God or use him to gain possessions. Sometimes God chooses to allow us to go through great pain, suffering and poverty. “Be rich in spirit” is a theme of the New Testament. Jesus and others in the Bible were poor and though they were faithful, did not experience great wealth, success or health. It seems like our faithfulness can bring those things but does not guarantee them. Does God want you to win the lottery? Probably not. Does He want you to be rich? Materially? Maybe but rich in life, spirituality, humility? YES!
God is Good but not because of the great parking lot space you found at Wal-Mart. I find it “silly” to hear people calling God good because of conveniences like this. God is good even if you get cancer or HIV. God is good even if you lose everything. God’s goodness does not depend on your material blessing or curses. Otherwise an African mother who has HIV, husband died, is in extreme poverty and whose child is dying of starvation could not say God is good. I’m not saying that we are not blessed by the conveniences but I am saying that Christians need to be careful to call God good regardless of the circumstances. He is just good, merciful and just.

“Don’t seek that which rust and moth can destroy”. We are told to seek wisdom, justice and love. . . material riches may follow or they might not. Spiritual riches will follow you all the way home! Lord, help me be satisfied with all the spiritual and material blessings knowing that today could be my last day. You are good!

Francois Fenelon (1651-1715) was a member of the court of Louis XIV. He was banned by the pope for “loving God too much and man too little”.
Excerpts from “Christian Perfection”
The “true children of God” sacrifice themselves, they suffer but they want to suffer and they prefer the suffering to every false joy. What God asks us is a will which is no longer divided between him and any creature” . . .Blessed are they who throw themselves with bowed head and closed eyes in to the “Father of mercies” and the God of all consolation. . . . the more one loves God, the more one is content. What folly to fear to be too entirely God’s. . . that is fear to be happy, fear to have too much courage in the crosses. . . so let us scorn earthly things to be wholly God’s. Our whole life was only given us to advance us by great strides toward our heavenly country. There is only one way to love God: to take not a single step without him, and to follow which a brave heart wherever he leads.” I like Francois passion for God and his amazing commitment to walk with him. In real life, we probably wouldn’t be close buddies though. I find that to enjoy God without impact the world is a problem that plagues our churches. We need to move from devotion to mission and obedience. I do like what Fenelon says in light of 1 Peter 4:1-6, “You have already spent enough time in doing what the Gentiles like to do” . . .living in sin. I pray Lord that you help me see this world and its pleasures in a dimmer light today, may I be led to a simple, sacrificing and content life. May you help me focus my energies not on acquisition of stuff and earthly security but on you. May this economic downturn wake your church up and move us all to a refined biblical view of riches, wealth and our future. Thank you God for being good!

Day 7

Day 7 of my 40 Day Journey with God

Today's reading: Psalm 7, 37, 67, 97, 127 and Proverbs 7 along with Bernard of Clairvaux.
Psalm 37 has to be one of my favorite psalms, I love it! It is full of amazing truths that pull on your heart.
Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
This is good to memorize, it promises what God does for the person that trusts and delights in him, commits his life to him and is still. That person will enjoy safety, their dreams will be given by the Lord and will make sure your way is cleared for success in righteousness.
There is a constant themes that run through Psalms, two main ones are justice and righteousness. They describe the person that does right, not just a moral person but a person that makes sure the poor and needy get justice. Some psalms describe the righteous person not in terms of the modern day moral man with do’s and don’ts. . . but in terms of the heroes of a community that share their resources with the poor, fight for the poor and don’t allow for corruption that takes advantage of the poor. These heroes are the fabric that makes society work.
The next verse is a one that I need to work on, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;” I am not a wrathful person but anger does visit me too much. I repent Lord, please help me wait on you, trust you and not take things into my own hands.
Vs. 16 16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
This is hard to believe sometimes but its very true. A righteous person lives with peace, joy and simplicity. A wicked wealthy person lives with anger, worry and guilt.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
This is what we all want Lord, help us therefore be delights to you.
Sometimes we can’t see God’s work but we must trust that He is working for us, “ 19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen. “
Psalm 107 is another favorite. . .this will be a long journal for today. . . so much to each, a buffet of encouragement.
4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle. 7 He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
28 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
30 They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Proverbs 7 24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave, [d]
leading down to the chambers of death.
Again, Solomon warns his sons to be wise and save their lives from the harlot who takes her victims to hell. These teaching on sexual purity are needed in our community, words that bring life and save those that listen from death. Lord, I pray for those that are about to fall into this trap, save them, for those that are in ministry, save them from sexual suicide, those that are in our churches, may they repent and turn to you. Keep us from these strongholds, hold us in your hand.

Bernard Clairvaux was French (1090-1153) and had some amazing writings, some of which influenced Luther and Calvin alike. Excerpts from “On the Love of God”. God should be loved because He is love and is entitled to our love. He loved us by giving himself for our sins. Loving God is not seeking our own in our relationship with Him.
The First Degree of Love: Love of self for self’s sake. But if we love ourselves becomes too lavish, it will overflow its natural boundaries through excessive love of pleasure. In order for us to love our neighbor we must see that God is the cause of our love.

The Second Degree of Love: Love God for self sake
This is where we love God and blessing occurs, we rejoice but our pride turns us to believe we are responsible for our own security. When we face storms, we then turn to God for help. We love him because we have learned that our lives are better that way.
The Third Degree of Love: Love of God’s for God’s sake
Through continued trials we may begin to soften because of His grace to love God for His sake and not ours. This only comes through a lot of prayer for our needs and we start realizing the sweet relationship is more important than our needs. We begin to say, “we praise God because He is good, not because He is good to me”. Its not about us anymore, we have transitioned to a purer love.
The Fourth Degree of Love: Love of self for God’s sake
These are rare experiences in one’s life. Bernard says that we lose ourselves for a moment utterly unconscious of ourselves and empty ourselves. In this moments of being one mind with God, our wills are in total accord with God and we pray, “your will be done” out of pure desire not obligation. This kind of love is very hard to maintain in our current bodies and when we come out of it, it hurts to live in this world.
We move from degree to degree by experience of time with God in prayer, sacrificing for him and reading of His word. Thank you for this amazing truth of Love, thank you for Bernard.
May I understand what my love is for you and be moved from lower degrees to higher loves for you Lord. Help me love you for you.

These days are long but so meaningful . . .tomorrow we move to day 8 and a devotion from Francois Fenelon.

Day 6 - Heal my bones

Day 6 of my 40 day Journey with God

Psalm 6, 36, 66, 96, 126 And excerpt readings of Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153)
I thank God that he gave me energy to get up even though Micah first woke me at 4:30 am. I finally went to bed at 5:30 and woke up at 6:15 for the day. Micah was not sleeping well and Jen tried to comfort him with some medicine and soothing. It was my turn and all I did was put my hand on his back and he quieted, this happened twice. In between I laid down on his floor, just waiting for him to wake up again. He had no clue I was right next to him. I thought, this is how our Father is with us, just waiting to put His hand on us to let us know He is there. Even when we don’t know He is there, He waits just a second away to bring make sure we are okay.
Psalm 6 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
5 No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave [b] ?
6 I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
This is a great Psalm for those that are sick or in emotional agony. It has been a wonderful reminder when I’ve been through the ringer.
Psalm 36: 5 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
I am just blown away by how He has been so merciful to me. I have had a full life of blessing and don’t deserve any of it. He is faithful!
Psalm 126 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
Wow. There is a constant theme through Scripture that our grief will be turned into dancing!
Proverbs 6 – “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned . . . but a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself”
Again, fatherly Solomon advises his son to be faithful to His wife.

I am amazed at how God is so patient with us. . .but here is the key to a deep spiritual walk - "walk in the Spirit" as Paul tells us in Galatians. He says that if we do, we will not walk in the flesh. I'm just in day 6 of my journey but I have to honest, there is a huge difference in my outlook, ego, focus, thought life, joy. In church yesterday I was so engaged in worship not because I should or needed something from God, I was just excited to be praising Him with God's people. That hasn't happened in too long. My cynical cold heart has been softened by His Spirit and Word. My time with Him is having impact on my daily life, more than I ever think it will. I notice a desire to make everything right in my life, from my finances to my marriage to my fatherhood, my ministry, my neighbors . . .He is giving me desires that are not my own but only come from Him. He truly is faithful and answers our prayers, "seek first the Kingdom of God and righteousness and all these things will be added to you".

I went and played racquetball with Steven and John and I schooled this young pups, it was so much fun. Bernard of Clairvaux . . lets do it tomorrow!

Day 5 The Dark Night of the Soul

This is day five of my 40 day journey with God through LENT. This is a long one but has so much to ponder, enjoy.

DAY 5 Psalms 5, 35, 65, 95, 125 Proverbs 5 – John of the Cross, Excerpts from “The Dark Night of the Soul”

Good morning Lord, thank you for waking me up again. I rise with the realization that I am thoroughly blessed, you are such a gracious God. Psalm 5 “In the morning O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation”. It was the habit of Jesus to get up before dawn and pray, may this habit be a reality in my life for my life depends on it.

Psalm 35:10 “You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them”. I am constantly amazed at how many references there are about the poor in the Scriptures. . . it seems like for the last 20 years, I never saw them, never preached about them, never cared. Every time you read scripture, look at notice how many times the “poor” are mentioned. Even King David, the one ruling the country, the government cared deeply for the poor . . . but we say, “its not the governments job to care for the poor”. I am no liberal but doesn’t our conservative view here go against Scripture? I guess the rich will always ignore the poor but not King David, he was the richest man in Israel and the one who made the laws, his concern for justice for the poor was much higher and deeper than our church leaders today. It seems like our pastors (me included) have ignored it as it is not a popular topic, our suburban members refuse to listen to this. Maybe we pastors have become like the Pharisees that ignored and scoffed at the words of Jesus about the poor. Oh brothers, lets repent and turn our churches back to caring and seeking justice for the poor, orphans and widows (true religion according to James).

Psalm 65 “When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions.” Wow, that really is amazing, David felt like we do. If we do careful inventory of our days, we fill them with sins. . . most of the time sins of thought but usually of action too. Lord, I so bless you for forgiving me more sins that I could ever imagine.

Psalm 95 – “Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.” The whole psalm is amazing, you have to read it, all about worship . . .it makes me soooo excited to go to church this morning and sing out to Him my praises, “for You are a great God.”

Proverbs 5 is an old favorite of mine. . . its about two main topics, watch your lips and speak only what is wise and two stay away from the adulteress. It’s a very detailed instructions to his sons on how and why to stay away from the “wayward” women. 1. “Her feet go down to death and her steps lead straight to the grave” 2. “Stay away lest you give your best strength to others and they feast on your wealth” 3. At the end of your life will have bitter regret because of the ruin she has brought you.

Therefore, “drink from your own cistern” . . . go to your own wife for your needs and not other women. . . “never share your well” with others. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Oh Lord, I thank you for saving me from this, I thank you for the wife of my youth that is oh more amazing today than ever. I can’t imagine life without her, keep my feet in my own home, keep my mind in my own family and keep my heart faithful to my family and to you. “For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord”

“The Dark Night of the Soul” is one of my favorites works of our church fathers, John of the Cross has so much insight on the depths of spirituality, by the way, he was Spanish, probably hung out in the town of Benavides. He was arrested for seeking reform of the church. It was in prison that he wrote this devotional.

When God draws us from the beginning stage to a more advanced spiritual stage we will grow deeper in our spiritual life. It is in the deeper stage that we experience, “the dark night of the soul” (referred to as DNS from now on). It is here that God wants to purify us and move us to greater heights. In the beginning stage God nurtured us and gently moved us along as a new born babe with spiritual milk. It reminds me of my first year as a Christian, everything in the bible was exciting, prayer was so meaningful and I loved serving, I was fifteen at the time. But then God starts removing some of the “previous consolation” to move us to go deeper, to reveal our impurities. It’s the seven capital sins that are being cleansed from our devotion.

1. Secret Pride – as we grow in our faith pride quickly fills us, we become “too spiritual”, we prefer to teach than to be taught, we become like Pharisees. . . . we soften our sins when we try to be honest so as to appear less imperfect. We pray for God to take away our imperfections for peace sake, not necessarily to be right with God. But God doesn’t take the imperfections lest we become more prideful. The answer to this is humility. Dang it, he got me so much on this one. May I be humble enough to learn what I think I already know.

2. Spiritual Greed – our hearts get attached to the feelings we get then we are in a constant journey to get the feeling not to get to God. “I got nothing out of church today”. . .is a common phrase.

3. Spiritual Luxury – during prayer or spiritual exercises we get tempted with lust or other impure thoughts. This happens as the spiritual is taking over the reign of the flesh, the flesh reacts and fights against you. In the DNS it begins to subside.

4. Spiritual Wrath – we get bitter when God takes away the consolation. You hear people saying, “I got nothing out of the bible. . .or our of church”, and you feel their anger. We will try really hard to get the feelings back so we will be “SAINTS IN A DAY” and make all kinds of resolutions to change. The answer is patience and not demanding from God.

5. Spiritual Gluttony – some love the spiritual sweetness of devotion so much that they go overboard and almost kill themselves to get more of it. Again, this is not for God but for themselves.

6. Spiritual Envy and 7. Sloth – when we hate the attention others get from their spirituality and sloth is when we become weary of devotion and we abandon it.

The Dark Night is a tool of God to humble us and to seek Him for Him only, not for the feelings we get. If you are in a dark night right now, He has not abandoned you but loves you so much that He wants to be closer based on true relationship, He doesn’t want us to use him anymore. Thank God for John of the Cross.

I have much more to say but this has been long and I got to get ready for church. May your day be filled with His glory. May you seek Him and find Him in your time of need. Can’t wait for Day 6 and a devotional from Bernard of Clairvaux.

Day 4 Why do people hate devotion to God?

In my Day 4 of my 40 day journey through Lent . . .

DAY 4 Psalm 4, 34, 64, 94, 124 Excerpts from 16th century Jesuit, Francis de Sales, “Introduction to the Devout Life”

Its Saturday morning and it took my alarm clock to wake me up to spend time with you Lord. This has been one of the hardest and most blessed weeks. Thank you for not forgetting me.

Psalm 34 is one of my favorites, it was there for me in 1989 when I hit one of the hardest times of my and is here for me now.

“this poor man called and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles”. This reminds me of the work we do at LINC NT. We are a ministry that is trying to do both community development and disciple-making. There are those that believe that we should do just community development and leave the spiritual stuff to the church. . . others believe we should just focus on church planting and let the social stuff to service organizations. I can’t do that . . . biblically we are called to help out the poor and also bring Jesus to them. I love the fact that this verse says that “the Lord heard him”. The poor man is ignored in this culture, left on his own. Some conservatives say, “leave him alone, I am not responsible for that man’s laziness or misfortune, if I help, it will bring me down too.” Some liberals say, “help him physically but don’t impose your values or religion on him . . . just give him what he wants.” I think both extremes are wrong and unbiblical. We ought to help immediately but we do it in a way that helps keep the man’s dignity. I will help him “own the pond” not just give him fish because his dignity is just as important. But he can’t “own the pond” and not know the greatest fisherman of all. Oh, I got off on a tangent . . . oops . . well its my blog . . . I’m just saying.

Vs 14 “Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”

Psalm 94 “The Lord knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile. . . blessed is the man you discipline, O Lord. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Vs. 22 But the Lord has become my fortress and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.”

Proverbs 4 “above all else, guard our heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

This Jesuit priest from the 16^th century has so much wisdom. . .he asks, Why we hate spiritual disciplines? it is bitter to the mouth and sweet to the soul. No one like dying and having true devotion based on love is very hard work and quick fruit might not be seen. But true devotion is sweet and will bring consolation.

Lord, I have so much to learn, to rely on you, to truly trust you. Teach me to trust you. I have so much to learn about devotion, help me listen to the wise man in proverbs in the saints that have gone before me.

I’m on my way to teach over fifty youth pastors this morning, give me your wisdom and help me speak words that bring them life and long-term fruit to your kingdom. I love you Lord, your love is better than life!

I love this journey . . . I love spending time with you.

Day Three - My Affection for God

DAY 3

Psalm 3, 33, 63, 93, 123 Proverbs 3 . . .Jonathan Edwards

Lord, I love your word. I’m exhausted from the Parent University from last night and yet your word gives me life this morning.

Psalms 3 and 33 tell me, “From the Lord comes deliverance

Sing to him a new song, play skillfully and shout with joy

We wait in hope for the Lord, for we trust in his holy name, may your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” I love the sense that God wants us to sing “new songs”. I love singing songs I know but new songs I learn give me so much life. New songs bring an excitement and freshness to our walk with Christ. Some churches can’t get away from the songs of 1850 and I do appreciate old tunes but there is so much life that is missing if the new song is not sought.

Psalm 63 says my soul thirsts for you. “Because your love is better than life my lips I will glorify you, I will praise you as long as I live.Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me” The concept of thirsting for God is present all over the Scripture, I know that our hearts were made with an unquenchable thirst for God. Psalms compares this thirst to that of a deer thirsting for water. Why do we not thirst for God? I believe part of the reason is that our hearts are too filled with other affections . . . we have to get to the place of needing Him, asking for this thirst and setting worldly affections aside to have time for Him. It has been a consistent prayer for me to ask for thirst and I ask for it again, Lord, give me a constant thirst for you that I won’t ignore.

Proverbs 3 is a great encouragement to also watch my heart.

Lord, there are two things I want for my family, that I be a man of love and faithfulness. Our world has perfected the art of lust and unfaithfulness. May I be under your protection, bind love and faithfulness around my neck.

The writer of proverbs also writes, “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” I really feel this verse, because I know that I tend to be too proud of my own wisdom, I have hurt people with my arrogance and hurt my relationship with God. I am convicted again and again, that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone with my knowledge, wisdom or strategy for ministry, I have to prove myself with humility, love and obedience to Him only. “Don’t resent His rebuke because the Lord disciplines those He loves as a father the son he delights in.” As a child, rebukes would anger me, almost hurt me because I was so insecure. I have been so blessed by His rebukes and his discipline. Lord, may I have the humility and wisdom to receive your teachings and lessons. Today’s culture hates rebukes, you are attacked back when you try to correct anyone. “Don’t withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.” I love the proverbs, they give me so much to think about, change and renew in my life.

Excerpt from Jonahtan Edwards, Religious “Affections”

God has given us the spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind. He writes that true religion must be exercised with great ferver and conviction not in a weak, dull and lifeless “wouldings”. “with all our heart and with all our soul” takes on a new meaning in the shema . . . our hearts must be fully engaged in our love for the Lord. This is rarely talked about in our churches but we must confront our disciples to watch their affections, especially in Dallas, a city with great affection for material possessions, unmatched affection for outward appearances and magnetic affection for sensuality and perversion. Lord save your church in Dallas from being tainted by these strongholds, may your church in Dallas be pure, poor in spirit and abundant in generosity.

“People are exceedingly busy, it is their affections that keep them busy . . . we must have affections for Him. “A person who has a knowledge of doctrine and theology only without religious affection has never engaged in true religion” . . .our hearts must be affected by His word. . . .holy thirst for God is also and expression of this affection. I have become an expert at being busy but a novice at devotion and quietness. I have to repent. Lord, forgive me, may my affections move from ambition for my own desires to ambition to know you, to walk with you and to serve you.

Lord help me love my family, while writing my journal, Bailey woke up and came down. She kept interrupting me and after I gave her cereal, she kept coming back wanting to sit on my lap. I kept telling her, Bailey, I’m working can you let me finish. After a while she said to me, “Daddy, all I need is a little love.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat her on my lap, and she just curled up in my arms and keeps wanting to touch me, hold me and be close to me. She sat with me for quite a while. I’m so glad the Lord is never to busy for me. May I be more sensitive to Bailey’s need for my love and affection too. Lord help me balance my time with you, with my family and with my work. Forgive me for not loving others like I should. I love you Lord.

I look forward to tomorrow Lord, Day 4 with you.